During my younger years, I was so excited to get to adulthood. I was yearning for my independence. I’ve been wishing for my own place where I could arrange things the way I like it. I own my time – I can go out anytime I want, and come back very late. I eventually got what I wished for. It was exciting; I got my blood pulsing hard in my veins of anticipation of what is going to happen next. But later on, the fun and excitement declined. Right now, I am facing the fear of the unknown. I realized that adulthood is difficult. You can be happy at times, but it isn’t always like that. Just the mere thought of your responsibilities and the future can sometimes wipe the smile off your face.
I’ve been single for years; and I might be single for life. As of now, it is doing me good. There are so many things that I would like to do on my own. And there is still one thing that I want to do – travel in solo. I’ve always been a self-reliant person. Since a kid, my parents let me do things alone. I stayed with my aunt during my kindergarten years, and I even rented my own room during elementary. It is not surprising that I would grow up yearning for the same kind of life because I was brought up that way.
My single-hood seems to bother some people. But I am okay with it actually. And I don’t know why they worry so much. Some friends even tried pairing me up with someone. What’s pissing me really is when some would ask me why and looked at me like I am the most pitiful person in this whole wide world. Everybody doesn’t have to end the same way; everybody isn’t going to marry. I am not saying that I don’t want to marry, of course I’ve been praying for a life-time partner too. Somehow, I want to have someone who is going to love me not for what I am right now but who is going to be my long-term companion and who is going to hold my hands despite of my wrinkled skin and weak knees. And I do believe he is going to show-up when the time is perfect – that I would say would be God’s time. That time is not now.
Then I have my job. I really don’t want to say much about it but it is getting stressful everyday. Enough said! What is happiness with stress – None! But of course, it is my only source of income. How could I ever give up when I keep on thinking about my brother, liabilities and my bills. Gosh! How could I get out of the rat race!
Now that my father is gone, he silently left me with the responsibility to oversee my siblings. I may not be that effective but I am not irresponsible. As an eldest, I should be concern of the welfare of the family. My mother is old and I know that I should see her often but distance and money are my biggest obstacles. She and my 2 younger siblings are living in Misamis Oriental. Thanks to telecommunication technology, I don't have to write a letter and send it via snail mail and wait impatiently for the response. It is just recently that we kind of revive our relationship as a family considering a more than 10 years of absence. My parents got separated when were young but that is another story that I wanted to write next time.
The future is the outcome of my current decisions and actions. I have to do something very soon. Right now, it seems like I am watching things happen in my life. And I get lost while looking at the entire picture.
I get terribly sick. I’ve been in and out of the hospital a lot lately. I heard my body and my mind screaming halt. It is really getting tiring but I don’t have a room to be depressed. Everyday have been a conscious effort to have a dose of happiness despite of the challenges and pains of the adult life.
I’ve been single for years; and I might be single for life. As of now, it is doing me good. There are so many things that I would like to do on my own. And there is still one thing that I want to do – travel in solo. I’ve always been a self-reliant person. Since a kid, my parents let me do things alone. I stayed with my aunt during my kindergarten years, and I even rented my own room during elementary. It is not surprising that I would grow up yearning for the same kind of life because I was brought up that way.
My single-hood seems to bother some people. But I am okay with it actually. And I don’t know why they worry so much. Some friends even tried pairing me up with someone. What’s pissing me really is when some would ask me why and looked at me like I am the most pitiful person in this whole wide world. Everybody doesn’t have to end the same way; everybody isn’t going to marry. I am not saying that I don’t want to marry, of course I’ve been praying for a life-time partner too. Somehow, I want to have someone who is going to love me not for what I am right now but who is going to be my long-term companion and who is going to hold my hands despite of my wrinkled skin and weak knees. And I do believe he is going to show-up when the time is perfect – that I would say would be God’s time. That time is not now.
Then I have my job. I really don’t want to say much about it but it is getting stressful everyday. Enough said! What is happiness with stress – None! But of course, it is my only source of income. How could I ever give up when I keep on thinking about my brother, liabilities and my bills. Gosh! How could I get out of the rat race!
Now that my father is gone, he silently left me with the responsibility to oversee my siblings. I may not be that effective but I am not irresponsible. As an eldest, I should be concern of the welfare of the family. My mother is old and I know that I should see her often but distance and money are my biggest obstacles. She and my 2 younger siblings are living in Misamis Oriental. Thanks to telecommunication technology, I don't have to write a letter and send it via snail mail and wait impatiently for the response. It is just recently that we kind of revive our relationship as a family considering a more than 10 years of absence. My parents got separated when were young but that is another story that I wanted to write next time.
The future is the outcome of my current decisions and actions. I have to do something very soon. Right now, it seems like I am watching things happen in my life. And I get lost while looking at the entire picture.
I get terribly sick. I’ve been in and out of the hospital a lot lately. I heard my body and my mind screaming halt. It is really getting tiring but I don’t have a room to be depressed. Everyday have been a conscious effort to have a dose of happiness despite of the challenges and pains of the adult life.
No comments:
Post a Comment